MEMORANDUM TO: ALL CLIENTS WHO HAVE RECENTLY PURCHASED OR ARE ABOUT TO PURCHASE A DOG. FROM: STOKES A. BAIRD AND JAMES C. LADD RE: WHAT NOT TO NAME YOUR DOG. EVERYBODY WHO HAS A DOG CALLS HIM "ROVER" OR "BOY". I CALLED MINE "SEX". NOW, SEX HAS BEEN VERY EMBARRASSING TO ME, WHEN I WENT TO CITY HALL TO RENEW HIS DOG LICENSE, I TOLD THE CLERK I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A LICENSE FOR SEX. HE SAID, "I'D LIKE TO HAVE ONE TOO". THEN I SAID, "BUT THIS IS A DOG". HE SAID HE DIDN'T CARE WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE. THEN I SAID, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. " I'VE HAD SEX SINCE I WAS NINE YEARS OLD". HE SAID I MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE A KID!!! WHEN I GOT MARRIED AND WENT ON MY HONEYMOON, I TOOK THE DOG WITH ME. I TOLD THE HOTEL CLERK THAT I WANTED A ROOM FOR MY WIFE AND ME, AND A SPECIAL ROOM FOR SEX. HE SAID THAT EVERY ROOM IN THE PLACE WAS FOR SEX. I SAID, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, SEX KEEPS ME AWAKE AT NIGHT". THE CLERK SAID, "ME TOO". ONE DAY I ENTERED SEX IN A CONTEST, BUT BEFORE THE COMPETITION BEGAN, THE DOG RAN AWAY. ANOTHER CONTESTANT ASKED ME WHY I WAS STANDING THERE LOOKING AROUND, I TOLD HIM I HAD PLANNED TO HAVE SEX IN THE CONTEST. HE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD HAVE SOLD MY OWN TICKETS. "BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND", I SAID. "I HAD HOPED TO HAVE SEX ON T.V.". HE CALLED ME A SHOW-OFF. WHEN MY WIFE AND I SEPARATED, WE WENT TO COURT TO FIGHT FOR CUSTODY OF THE DOG. I SAID, "YOUR HONOR, I HAD SEX BEFORE I WAS MARRIED". THE JUDGE SAID, "ME TOO". THEN I TOLD HIM THAT AFTER I WAS MARRIED, SEX LEFT ME. HE SAID, "ME TOO". LAST NIGHT, SEX RAN OFF AGAIN. I SPENT HOURS LOOKING AROUND TOWN FOR HIM. A COP CAME OVER TO ME AND ASKED, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS ALLEY AT 4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?". I SAID, "I'M LOOKING FOR SEX". MY CASE COMES UP FRIDAY..... X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm) & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives, arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality, insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS. Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are, where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother. "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X