Who's on First? Abbot and Costello routine Abbot: You know, strange as it may seem, they have ballplayers nowadays very peculiar names. Now on the St. Louis team, Who's on first, What's on second , I Don't Know is on third. Costello: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team. Abbot: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third. Costello: You know the fellows names? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well, then who's playing first? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I means, the fellow's name on the first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The fellow playing first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first base? Abbott: Who is on first base. Costello: What are you asking me for? Abbott: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Who is on first. Costello: I'm, asking you - who's on first? Abbott: That's the man's name. Costello: That's who's name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Go ahead and tell me. Abbott: Who. Costello: Have you got a first baseman on first? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Then who's playing on first? Abbott: Absolutely. Costello: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first. Abbott: No, no. What is on second base. Costello: I'm not asking who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: That's what I'm trying to find out/ Abbott: Now take it easy. Costello: What's the guy's name on first base? Abbott: What's the guy's name on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third. Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third. Abbott: No, Who's playing first. Costello: Stay offa first, will you? Abbott: Well, what do you want me to do? Costello: Now, what's the guy's name on first base? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second! Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Unison: He's on third. Costello: There I go back to third again. Abbott: Please. Now what in it you want to know? Costello: What is the fellow's name on third base? Abbott: What is the fellow's name on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. You got an outfield? Abbott: Oh, sure. Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: I just thought I'd ask. Abbott: I just thought I'd tell you. Costello: Then tell me who's playing in left field? Abbott: Who's playing first. Costello: Stay out of the infield. I want to know what's the fellows name in left field. Abbott: What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking who's on second. Abbott: Take it easy. Costello: And the left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: Because. Abbott: Oh, he's center field. Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher? Abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher? Costello: Tell me the pitcher's name. Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: You don't want to tell me today? Abbott: I'm telling you, man. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching? Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching, Who is on ... Costello: I'll break your arm it you say who's on first. Abbott: Then why ask? Costello: I want to know what's the pitcher's name. Abbott: What's on second. Costello: You got a catcher? His name? Abbott: Today. Costello: I would like to catch. Tomorrow's pitching and I'm catching. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy bunts. Abbott: Yes. Costello: I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pickup the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: That's the first thing you said right. Costello: I don't even know what I am talking about! Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do. Costello: Is to throw it to first base? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Now who's got the ball. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: I pickup the ball and throw it to Naturally? Abbott: No, you throw the ball to first base. Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally? Abbott: You don't. You throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Yes. Costello: So I throw the ball to first base and NAturally gets it. Abbott: No, you throw the ball to first base .... Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, whoever it drops the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws back to Tomorrow - a triple play. Abbott: Could be. Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly center. Why? I don't know. And I don't care. Abbott: What? Costello: I don't care. Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.